LYRICS for the songs of WHAT IF IT WORKS? There are only a few lines here that remain uncertain, at least to my ears, which I've noted below. I've avoided all but the most obvious punctuation, since it colors meaning in ways that aren't evident from the aural record of the lyrics. These lyrics represent my best guesses (with assistance from those noted at the end) and are not to be considered authoritative. All copyright is retained by the writers. I have not included lyrics to the covers on the CD, although those for "Rocks Off" in particular are worth seeking out in light of "Song About 'Rocks Off'." Song About "Rocks Off" (Scott Miller) ("dust beneath the eagle's wings") "Please stay" passes easily for nothing to say when there's someplace to go Okay, those are my friends waving wildly don't mind them, I told them so... I don't like mind games Ah, but it was good when mine were working My demolicious life when all the time saner thoughts were lurking Don't watch my mouth move that was my devil's mask pretending that I was driving age and women raged as the fling was ending One dog is flawed two dogs are perfect dogs faux pas is moi so pirouette not over this fond lake swan I wonder if I'd look older in new clothes? Maybe it's "back off" Maybe it's "come a little closer" Of course the mademoiselle hides it well Ask someone who knows her Twelve-year bender I stayed respectable Hey, big spender They showed me pictures All I remember from before being too old was being too young Maybe it's "goodbye" Maybe it's "Arrivederci Roma" Maybe a man in black who has your back hands you your diploma Please go Your handshake is all the holding I know And all I need today Pop Song 99 (Anton Barbeau) (chorus:) Pop song ringing in my ear makes me wonder what I'm doing here without my freaky angel on my shoulder sunshine and a beer not the sort to drink this stuff I wanna treat her right enough So here comes her mother she's coming for me She says, "there's coffee in the cup 'less you'd rather have tea" I said, "no thank you, I'm thirsty, and tea will be fine" She opens up the Bible reads the very first line (it says) (chorus) The ghost of her father asleep in his chair his snoring doesn't bother me as much as his hair which sits on his head as if it's not there The problem with the kids today is that they don't care about magic Pop song wakes me from my bed It's come for the junk that's in my head Pop song rich and gooey glue sticks me to me and me to you Pop song ringing in my Pop song ringing in my head Visions of summer a white dog and you We saw it in Chicago at the Waffle House too It was a trip to Mousako's a scene at The Spoon* in the blue light of the stereo under St. Nick's pink moon It was magic Magic Magic Magic (chorus) * I assume "Mousako's" and "The Spoon" are places or venues of some sort (in Chicago?) - but I haven't been able to verify this or confirm whether "Mousako's" is the correct spelling. Total Mass Destruction (Scott Miller) There's a raincoat left on a lifeboat after the flood moved past There's a Jaguar crashed by a filmstar storming right off a cast There's a pawnshop cranking the bebop quoting the choicest deal in years And the phono wails but we don't know if anyone hears There's a girl's eyes up in a high-rise trying to tell her man There's a mojo down in the dojo trying to tell Japan There's a sweettooth mark in a phone booth We'd love to find a better plan And we're gonna try but we don't know if anyone can (chorus:) 'Cause no one wants to buy until we cut off all production No one wants to try until they can't escape the suction No one blinks an eye until the total mass destruction comes There's a groundswell come out of Brownsville thinks it's the word on high There's a strip mall southeast of St. Paul thinks it's Palais Versaille There are rock bands all doing handstands Think they're the thrill to end all thrills And the fanzines rave but I can't see it paying no bills (chorus) Flow Thee Water (Anton Barbeau) There are twelve ways to go and none of them are wrong The only way to know is if you wind up in a song Summer sun, winter moon, In weakness and in strong The only way to flow is like a river nice and long Flow thee, water... There are twelve things to know but no one knows them all The only way to go is with your back against the wall Spring has sprung, strum along The leaves begin to fall It's autumn in November It's the song that knows us all Flow thee, water... (repeat) (Kind Of) In Love (Scott Miller/Anton Barbeau) I don't know where it's going I don't know who should know I'm a little short of being sorry Come too far to take it slow I don't know if you've noticed I don't know what you see But the way I think I might be feeling It's something more than in between [chorus:] And did somebody say that it's sort of this way? Almost a laugh that it's slightly okay It's probably strange but it's basically true I'm kind of in love with you And it might sound inane, insipid, stupid too But I've got somehow to get to you I don't know what this looks like I don't know how it plays It's the only thing that matters maybe It's the only price that pays [chorus] Mavis of Maybelline Towers (Scott Miller) Here in the shade all this hot sun says is we've got it made Here in the lead* the hard truth turns out to be just what we need There's trouble that I've kept from being yours With two of us on board at least one should enjoy the ride [chorus:] Mavis of Maybelline Towers over the skies Mavis of make-believe hours, slow lullabyes showed us that almost-unnoticed known through new eyes Maybe I came to guess what you feel and preach more of the same. Next, on a roll down from the pulpit and out of control Then chuck it, flying into Honalei** They're searching us for fruit that would displace the native life [chorus] You ask me when it disappeared but I don't understand It's holding steady It's holding steady You say you think it might get weird but I don't understand It's weird already It's weird already It's weird already It's weird already [chorus] * This is the second-most-questioned line in the entire CD's lyrics...but "lead" is confirmed by Bob Lloyd directly from the Loudest source possible. ** This is the most-questioned line on the CD, no doubt. The first part is (again) ex cathedra...but the spelling of "Honalei" is in flux: if it indeed refers to the town and bay in Hawaii (which claims to be the inspiration for "Honah Lee" so-pronounced in "Puff the Magic Dragon"), I've also seen it spelled "Hanalei." Of course it's sung to rhyme with the second-syllable vowel in "displace" (i.e., a long "a" sound) - a long tradition of altering pronunciation of place names to create rhymes (see folk songs insisting there's such a place as "Californ-eye-aye"), except phonetically I think "Honah Lee" would be incorrect (compare "lei"). What If It Works? (Anton Barbeau) What if it works? and what'll we do? What if that goodbye kiss means hello for me and you? What if the words we said before still matter as much as they did and maybe matter more? What if it works? We get stuck with each other for as close to forever as two freaks should be allowed at 85 on a houseboat overboard off we both go down the river counting cows. What if it fits as tight as it did? The strawberry jam in the jar giving purpose to the lid. And what if it don't - oh no - then where would we go? Each to our dressing rooms of course and on with the show. What if it works? And we find out that it's okay - if we want, we can both stay even longer than we'd planned if it turns out that it suits us, or if it pauses and mutes us, either way I'll understand. What if it works for just a few days and we drive each other mad with nothing to say? What if it dies? What if it's good? Could we pull dollar from the sky? I think that we could. And what if the words - oh yeah - we said before still matter as much as they did and maybe matter more? What if it works? (repeat) {bonus tracks} Don't Bother Me While I'm Living Forever (Scott Miller) I don't know who the people are who tell me (oh boy what a perfect mess)* Don't know if they looked sharp what they'd see (what I clasp would show) A man in water three feet from a lifeboat (and do not have no/[to] know?) Grab an oar, float free I don't know what it takes for me to reach you (I take too long Rose May) How much normal protocol must fail (what now are you in normal life) I get it now how people see injustice and want it to prevail (I wanted to prevail) [chorus:] Oh boy, what a perfect mess Someone finally gets you I guess Oh boy, what a classic show Someone finally noticed I know I don't know who the people are who tell me (? - I think this is both backing vocals layered) Don't know if they talk much what I'd hear (? - same?) Don't bother me while I'm living forever I'll check back next year (I wanted to prevail) [chorus] * Anton's backing vocals are particularly obscured in this song's production. The parenthetical lyrics here are (primarily) Bob Lloyd's best guess as to what he's singing. In the last verse, it sounds for a while like both other verses' backing vocals are layered...but not quite. I think someone on list said that Scott edited this backing vocal together from a bunch of different takes...and that for performing it live, Anton basically had to ask what the lyrics where...since he'd sung it several different ways. (I can't seem to find the post where that info was conveyed...can anyone confirm that?) I've Been Craving Lately (Anton Barbeau) [chorus:] I've been craving lately something stranger than the stuff comes out my little station changer Beam me up, beam me down, heigh-ho Lone Ranger You can fall, not hit the ground Sermon on the Mount, couldn't hear it for the clanging of the late-night dinner bell Settled the account, then we moved it to the table moved it to the table [chorus] Baritone or bass, either way I couldn't bear it with a voice as light as mine She said it to my face, but she didn't seem to mean it didn't seem to mean it (she said) "This is my goodbye party, I'm gonna cry" (repeat) [chorus] (repeat unto chaos) Initial lyric transcriptions on "Total Mass Destruction" by Aaron Mandel and "Don't Bother Me While I'm Living Forever" by Bob Lloyd. Further thanks for suggestions and comments to Sarah Gordon, Paul King, Steve Holtebeck, Michael Zwirn, glenn mcdonald, Janet Ingraham Dwyer, John Swartzentruber, Joe Mallon, Jenny Grover, and a correspondent who wishes to remain anonymous.